I didn’t write on Sunday, mostly because I was so amazed when I read that the internet had gone crazy. I read it all the time the putrid catch phrases, the cutesy little words, about the net people. Who are the net people? I am obviously not one of them, as I really can get too much of the Kardashians, unlike the net people, that cannot get enough. I do not go crazy over a dog, with human hands, dressed in a suit eating French Fries. I did not even go crazy searching for the meaning of life, no wait that was the meaning of Covfefe. I did not even care what Covfefe meant.
Then there are the times that the internet goes wild. Where do these net people go when they go wild? Africa? The Amazon? Is there some place where macros and bytes chase them? The things the people go wild over make me laugh. Romp him’s drive them wild, they make me laugh, but then I am not from netland. Net people go wild over the strangest things satanic goatmen, babies that look like old men, and Greggings. The wildness continued with the announcement of Beyoncé’s pregnancy, a prison mug shot, and a Dad giving sex advice. None of these made me wild.
There are the things Net people can’t get enough of a dogs balancing act, a banana slug eating a dandelion, and a mother and daughter playing with their food. My kids and I had food fights, you could only throw what the dog ate, so mashed potatoes were off-limits. My daughter, however, found a use for them, because she hated them. The minute you weren’t looking, she conditioned her hair with them. I am sure those Net people just got tired of my stories. What would be the cutesy phrase for that? “The internet just yawned because of an old ladies musings,” yes that is what they would say.
Journalist, Bloggers, and Writers be advised, Net people really do not exist. We the real people are getting tired of your boring phrases. Just because one writer comes up with a cutesy opening, does not mean it will still be cute for the next thousand articles. What happened to individuality? I know there are more words out there than just these five or six descriptive openings. I have conditioned myself to not even bother to read articles starting with the term “The Internet Went…” Stand up and be read, descriptive people, don’t take the easy way out. Come up with your own catchy opening, and the real people won’t pass you by.